In 1997, my company sent our newly merged management team on an Outward Bound weekend in the forest and hills of Western North Carolina. We were all looking forward to it, imagining days of light hiking and nights of sitting around the campfire, smoking cigars, drinking red whiskey, and eating steaks that someone would cook for us. Instead, we had days full of hiking, rock climbing, repelling, ropes courses, and nights with lanterns, creek water, and dehydrated foods.

It helps that I am sitting in the studio, and the sun is shining through the window on my face. It reminds me that the same energy within that sun is within my body. It's also within the trees that I see and the plants growing in my garden. Each of these components of the universe, including me, has an operating system within it. However, unlike the others, I can choose to operate by this system or usurp it with my own free will.

Nicodemus took action to address his confusion, and I should, too. Research, read, question, listen, and contemplate. Become comfortable in the confusion, or as Brene’ Brown says, “Always straddling the tension and trying not to tap out. Forever convincing ourselves that we can hold so many contradictory pieces and feelings. Not only are tension and contradictory pieces OK and normal — they're the magic sauce.”

I have at least two different types of beliefs within me: those that come from the outside through my senses and those that come from the inside through my spirit. Plus, each of my beliefs carries a different weight - a different level of commitment. I am loaded with one-dimensional and three-dimensional beliefs operating within me at all times. However, in my experience, the beliefs that begin deep within my spirit and work themselves outward carry a much heavier weight of commitment and lead to more effective action.

Change and Resistance to Change.

Let's look at two examples from my era to help us understand this concept of teaching by "shock and awe" when words alone would not work.

Consider this thought: silence is the soil in which the spirit grows. As you do, think about a garden without soil, a heartbeat without the gap in between, and communication without that space between the words.

Jesus’ driving passion was to re-frame every man's “thinking about” and “relationship with” the creator of the universe. He was proposing and modeling a "worldwide idea shift”* that said, “Heaven is not “up there” to be experienced “then” but “right here” to be experienced “right now!”

The day I am doing the final edit on this segment marks the third anniversary of all hope being withdrawn. Millie’s cancer had returned and returned with a vengeance. No hope. Hold close. Love hard! merry. christmas.

Days like today would best be forgotten - but can’t be. Shouldn’t be. So, once again, our family watches the clouds gather, the sky darkens, and we allow our precious memories to drop down into the deepest, most dangerous chamber of our hearts. Recollection becomes a necessary form of self-injury, and each cut is a reminder of the fear of being torn asunder. However, in this pain, we feel. We feel her presence and cherish each sacred scar it leaves.

After years of reading and teaching it, I discovered the life-changing impact of this scene just a year ago. It was spending time with it in my imagination that changed everything. Here, Jesus spoke his first words in John's story - a penetrating question.

An encounter with John put a T-intersection in the lives of his people. They could turn one way and not believe his words or turn the other way, believing and being baptized with the excitement of anticipation, but they could not continue on their previous course. They would never be the same, and baptism marked the spot of the intersection.

Would you like to get a glimpse of this inner space? Close your eyes and sit quietly for a few minutes, focusing on your breath and watching your random thoughts settle down. Now, ask yourself this question. How old do you feel inside? If we're honest with ourselves, it's difficult to place a number on it. If we do, most likely, it bears no resemblance to our chronological age. Do this often, and, like John, you will become acquainted with that ageless and timeless "you" that inhabits your body.

“To the mind that is still the whole universe surrenders.”— Lao Tzu

Once I realized the importance of solitude, I began incorporating moments of silence into my morning routine and a cup of coffee. During these moments of silence, I had the idea to create this blog to (a) rediscover what I genuinely believe and (b) assist my future generations as they search for their one-of-a-kind vision, “the code within their being.”

Where did John get the idea of who he was - his identity? Can you and I learn from him where we should get our identity? Without considerable effort, our identity will simply grow into a reflection of others’ opinions and expectations of us. Most often, the result is not our true identity.

During and after Millie's final days, I silently shouted, "Where are you, God?” “How could you let her die and inflict deep internal wounds on the rest of us? “How could you fracture my family to the point of not even knowing what to say to each other?” “Where are you?”

Several years ago, Rick Warren wrote a book called The Purpose Driven Life, and it flew off the shelves. It has been translated into 137 languages and sold over 50 million copies in multiple formats, demonstrating that every person has a deep, indwelling hunger to know their purpose. Even when we know it, we find ourselves doubting, "Is this the right one, or should I be doing something else?” The success of Warren's book also epitomizes our tendency to look outside of ourselves for purpose instead of within. Let's see what John says.

The trick to Rabbit Ears was to adjust them for each channel. If not, your picture was fuzzy or just video snow. Each channel had a particular frequency, and the antenna had a unique position. The adjustment process often took two people – one to change the position of the antenna and another to say, "No, no, no, back to the left," then, "Now, back to the right a little," and finally, "right there, that's just right.”

In his recent book, Transformer: The Deep Chemistry of Life and Death, biochemist Nick Lane says of one of the founding fathers of biochemistry, Sir Frederick Gowland Hopkins, “Life, for Hopkins, was the combination of information, which specifies the protein catalysts (enzymes) that channel these pathways, and flux–the flow of molecules down particular pathways to form new materials for building or rebuilding the city of the cell.” Hopkins’ definition of life, or the life force, combines intelligence and energy. 

To better grasp this, I think of the components of creativity: the creator, his creativity, and his creation. I can imagine an architect holding his plans, representing his initial intention, and then looking at his completed building, representing the final creation. The architect always had the building with him - it was a part of him from the start, and the plans accurately reflected his initial intention.

My faith became collateral damage in the valley of the shadow of my granddaughter’s death at age three. (Audio Included)