7.3 - From Shallow Waters to Deep Bonds: Cultivating Relationships
Beyond “Thou Shall Not”
"We could never be friends," I thought as the guy walked by with a serpent tattooed up his arm around his neck. "Who would do that?" I want to tell you that later, I got beyond these things, and we got to know each other and are now "best buds,” but that didn't happen. I wrote the man off without a second thought. Was this an isolated incident? Nah, I’m sure I've done the same thing in far less extreme situations. Too old, too young, too tall, too short, too rich, too poor, too left, too right - these are some of the qualifiers I’m sure I have used to determine who to let in and who to keep out of my life, as I swim in the shallow end of the relationship pool. I'm not proud of it, but I thought you should know that's the kind of guy you're dealing with here. I’m learning that living a spiritual life like Jesus is filled with many more nuances than following a list of "thou shall nots."
In our last segment, John left us by quoting Jesus: “Don't judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” He talked about judging a person's actions and gave us a nice example using two conflicting laws.
But what is right judgment, and could this apply to people, too? We will find out in this segment.
2500 years ago, Socrates said, "The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms," so what does right judgment mean to you? Other versions of John’s story substitute the following for judging with "right judgment:" Fairly and righteously, the right way, correctly, by true standards, by the reality, but my favorite comes from the Message translation, “Use your head - and heart! - to determine what is right, to test what is authentically right.”
And if we agree with Marshall McLuhan, who said, "All words, in every language, are metaphors," we have to ask ourselves what scene or picture do these words paint for us. Well, John is quick to give us one to consider.
Crowd Control
25 Now some of the people of Jerusalem were saying, “Is not this the man whom they are trying to kill? 26 And here he is, speaking openly, but they say nothing to him! Can it be that the authorities really know that this is the Messiah? 27 Yet we know where this man is from, but when the Messiah comes no one will know where he is from.” John, whose main message is "oneness with the father and each other," wants us to see how this human tendency toward incorrect judgment can develop into confusion and polarization.
Judging by what “the crowd says,” whether our crowd is Fox & Friends or Morning Joe, is not the same as using our “head and heart” to determine what is authentically right. In the extreme, following the crowd’s incorrect judgment can lead to what is called "mob mentality,” which is defined as the inclination that some humans have to be part of a large group, often neglecting their individual feelings in the process and adopting the behaviors and actions of the people around them.”
Don’t Read the Label
Let's see how Jesus responds to the confused crowd judging him by appearances, specifically his hometown.
28 Then Jesus cried out as he was teaching in the temple, “You know me, and you know where I am from. I have not come on my own. But the one who sent me is true, and you do not know him. 29 I know him because I am from him, and he sent me.” 
These verse sare profound! Jesus paints a word picture of recognition and relationship in stark contrast. On the recognition side, the crowd uses labels for Jesus, like man, Nazareth, and carpenter. That's how we do it in the shallow end. We label match. We seldom get beyond someone’s appearance, family, hometown, and occupation.
Even worse, we seldom go beyond these qualifiers to decide who we are.
But not Jesus. He goes deeper and uses his primary relationship to determine his true identity. He uses words like "the one who sent me,” “I know him,” and “I am from him.” He defines himself or draws his identity from his “oneness” with the Father—oneness with his Creator. That was dangerous for him to declare and difficult for most people in the crowd to grasp. Let’s not be too rough on them, though. We’ve had 2000 years to get used to the idea, but this group was hearing it in real-time.
A Little Something to Sit With
Here's the part that gives me trouble. Jesus wants us to do the same: draw our identity from our oneness with the Creator. Remember, John overhears him later, praying that we would be "one with him" and "one with the Father.” He has already said that those who know the Father would know him, and those who resolve to do the Father's will would recognize his teaching.
Earlier, John led us to understand that “as there is a code written into my body (genetics), there is also a code written into my being." The DNA in my body came from my parents, but the DNA in my being came from my Creator. Isn't this the first part of the greatest commandment - to know and love my Father? Sit with that for a few minutes, realizing your true spiritual heritage.
MercyMe sang about heaven several years ago: "I can only imagine what it will be like.” Well, I can only imagine what it would be like here on Earth if we fully adopted our “oneness” with the creator of the universe. Would I dance or, to my knees, would I fall? Would I sing “Hallelujah” or be able to speak at all? My ability to overlook this in John's story for years and my struggle to believe it now that I see it is evidence of how long I have lingered in the shallow end.
To my children, grandchildren, and their children: I hope you will "give a nod" to your parents and grandparents but “fully embrace” your oneness with the Father.
Living Beyond Labels
There's a second part to the greatest commandment, and that's where it begins to get sticky. When we realize the Divine within us, it's not a stretch to know that he wants us to recognize the divine in our neighbors, whether they do or not and whether we want to. I should live with open hands, even open arms, welcoming each one I meet, trying to accurately know them at the heart level - beyond any labels. Isn't this how I learn to "love my neighbor as myself?”
If you're like me, this is a lifelong trial-and-error process, not a once-and-done event. My mindset must change from "trying to get me into heaven to getting heaven into me,” from seeing God as "up in heaven" to seeing God within me and my neighbor and honoring him there. Moses would add, "Thou shalt have no other gods before this one.”
God Happens Between People
God happens between people. John was clear in his opening lines that the creator’s desire was to become flesh and dwell among us. Oh, I may sense the presence of the Father within me, but I will really see his invisible presence in that space between us, among us.
Haven't you experienced that sense of something different when you've been around the table with two or three people you love? It's as if something entirely new has been created among you - a special joy. It's not you. It's not them. It's almost as if there's a third person in the middle, enlivening the experience and leading us into the deep end of the relationship pool. This is how we see the invisible God. This third person is God. That's why Jesus said, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them.” God happens between people.
Cultivating Relationships
How do I dim the floodlights of my ego and learn to embrace the divine in others? It would be nice if someone zapped me with a bolt of godliness, and all good things came naturally, but in my experience, I must learn it. It takes training, starting with deeply acknowledging every individual's inherent worth and sacredness, including my own.
The journey begins with mindfulness and being fully present in our interactions so we can see beyond superficial judgments and biases. Being mindful will help to create space to appreciate the unique presence and energy of each person we meet.
Next comes empathy and compassion, which involves understanding others' feelings and perspectives, recognizing our own imperfections, and taking compassionate actions. These actions, no matter how small, affirm the divinity within others by acknowledging their struggles and responding with kindness. We will start to see others as fellow humans, fellow travelers on the same journey, and honor the sacred thread that connects us all.
As we mentioned in our last segment, a straightforward way to honor the divine in another person is to listen deeply and attentively, validating the speaker’s worth and presence.
Many spiritual traditions teach the value of seeing the divine in others, but none more so than John’s story of Jesus. Watching him interact with others, eating with prostitutes, going home with tax collectors, and hugging lepers as I reflect on his teaching reinforces my commitment to this practice. It helps
to ground me in his principles, reminding me of the sacredness in every interaction.
Like any new practice, regular self-reflection enhances it, ensuring that our actions align with our intentions. Don't get frustrated; the goal is not perfection but continuous improvement. Therefore, we review our interactions and make necessary adjustments. This practice not only enriches our own lives but also creates ripples of positive change in the lives of those we touch. I can only imagine.
One Crowd, Two Groups
Let’s jump back into the story for a few more minutes.
30 Then they tried to arrest him, but no one laid hands on him because his hour had not yet come. 31 Yet many in the crowd believed in him and were saying, “When the Messiah comes, will he do more signs than this man has done?”The crowd becomes divided into two groups: those who seek to arrest Jesus and those who believe he may be the Messiah. John's warning is clear: those who cultivate their spiritual awareness and live from it should not expect total agreement from others.
He also reminds us that our inner life has a specific timing and rhythm, as he says, "His hour had not yet come." Remember this to avoid anxiety when things don’t happen in the way or time frame you had hoped for.
Be “As He Is” Wherever We Are
32 The Pharisees heard the crowd muttering such things about him, and the chief priests and Pharisees sent temple police to arrest him. 33 Jesus then said, “I will be with you a little while longer, and then I am going to him who sent me. 34 You will search for me but not find me, and where I am, you cannot come.” 35 The Jews said to one another, “Where does this man intend to go that we will not find him? Does he intend to go to the dispersion among the Greeks and teach the Greeks? 36 What does he mean by saying, ‘You will search for me, but you will not find me’ and ‘Where I am, you cannot come’?”There is more confusion among the crowd and more clarity within Jesus. While the crowd can't quite fathom who this man is and where he might be going, Jesus clearly sees that the “Jesus of the labels,” the man, the carpenter, and the hometown, will soon be gone. Scholars like Albert Schweitzer and John Dominic Crossan have created excellent works that fill in many missing pieces of this historical Jesus and help us see the world in which he lived. These books add depth and context, but as Jesus warned, he cannot be found or reached in a physical location. Furthermore, the goal is not to be where he was but to “be as he is” wherever we are.
Key Takeaways:
Judgment and Bias: be aware of how quickly and unfairly we can write people off.
Right Judgment: Use understanding and empathy to evaluate people fairly and rightly.
Consider that your authentic identity stems from your spiritual relationship with the Creator rather than superficial labels like family, hometown, occupation, etc.
Recognizing the divine in others can transform our interactions and deepen our relationships. God’s presence is felt most profoundly between people.
Our inner life is a lifelong learning process to see the divine in others, emphasizing mindfulness, empathy, and regular self-reflection to align actions with spiritual intentions.
