10.3 - When Expectations Cloud Reality: A Lesson from Jesus and Millie
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The Unexpected Arrival of Millie
"Is this the right baby," I thought as we walked into the hospital room in 2017 and got our first glimpse of Millie. I was expecting another "Murray Girl" with blonde if any, hair, Blue eyes, and fair complexion. The expectation was well founded. Karen and I had three daughters who fit that description, and I just thought our granddaughter would, too.
It never dawned on me that she might look like her dad with dark eyes, dark hair, an olive complexion, and Grandma Pat's dimples. She was beautiful!
Expectation vs Reality: A Psychological Perspective
Psychologists explain this in the Expectation vs Reality theory. “Expectations are what we think will happen, while reality is what transpires. While we hope these two will match up, they often don't. This disparity of expectations vs. reality can often lead to discontentment and unhappiness.” Far from discontent, we were elated. Momentarily surprised but exhilarated! Millie was perfect.
Watch for the same phenomenon to unfold in today's segment as we read chapter 10 and examine verses 22 through 30. Remember, we're on the heels of the man born blind receiving his sight and all of the controversy that followed in the week. The expectation was baked in. It was as much a part of these men as their dark hair and dark eyes because, for 500 years, they had been anticipating the Messiah. Their grandparents and parents had retold the words of the prophets until all the numbers had been painted in, and their mental picture of the Messiah was well-defined.
22 At that time the Festival of the Dedication took place in Jerusalem. It was winter, 23 and Jesus was walking in the temple, in the portico of Solomon. 24 So the Jews gathered around him and said to him, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly.” 25 Jesus answered, “I have told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father’s name testify to me, 26 but you do not believe because you do not belong to my sheep. 27 My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, in regard to what he has given me, is greater than all, and no one can snatch them out of the Father’s hand. 30 The Father and I are one.”
The Puzzle of the Messiah: Expectation and Revelation
Jesus just wasn't what they had expected. This reminds me to monitor my expectations so they are not so "fine-tuned" that I don't recognize a slightly different reality when it appears.
Otherwise, some things could be hidden "in plain sight.” Even worse, I live with an undercurrent of disappointment, as my reality never matches my expectations.
Imagine two groups trying to complete a puzzle without a picture of the finished product, relying solely on their imagination of what it could look like. Through his actions and words, Jesus has provided the puzzle pieces and the picture. Some people have paid close attention and successfully assembled the puzzle, while others still struggle to make the pieces fit their preconceived ideas.
"Tell us plainly," they say. "Cut to the chase,” we would say. Why? It’s much easier to rely on external sources than to listen to your inner voice. We often turn to external rules and guidelines, seeking answers from the latest book or teacher instead of looking within ourselves. What human beings we are! We want reality to exactly match our expectations, and we want it now. We want our reality to be custom-made and immediate—no struggle, no working it out. But life, especially the spiritual life, doesn't work that way. Understanding this one truth may eliminate or "dial down" disappointment in our lives.
Jesus' Puzzle: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Jesus cut to the chase and said, “I have told you. I have told you with my actions.” As an expert educator, he understood that he couldn't simply write the answer on the board; it had to arise from deep within each person to be beneficial. He had drawn the picture on the cover of the puzzle box by his words and actions: feeding the hungry, befriending his enemy, and opening the eyes of the blind man. Each word, encounter, and interaction was another piece, another pixel in the image of an “anointed one.”
For Jesus, “Anointed One” or Messiah was not a title but a connection - an internal connection with the Father. “The Father and I are one,” he put it. He actively nourished this connection with solitude, meditation, and prayer. Searching deeply within himself, he said what he heard the Father say and did what he saw the Father doing. Living daily based on this internal connection created that "something" that others saw as God within him and created the connection with them. “My sheep hear my voice and follow me” is how he described this connection. The puzzle had been completed for his followers, and the image of the Messiah was clearly visible within them.
Connection: The Core of Jesus’ Teachings
"Connection" was central to Jesus' life and teaching. His oft-repeated words "the father and I are one" and "my sheep hear my voice and follow me” show his importance of connection - upward to his father and outward to people. His most important commandment echoed it, "Love the Lord, your God, and love your neighbor as yourself.” He could have said, “Connect with the Father and connect with your neighbor.”
Connect with your wife. Connect with your children. Connect with your boss and coworkers. The magic is not “in me” or “in them” but in the “connection.” Weep with them, celebrate with them, make peace with them, ask for forgiveness, give forgiveness, and lay down your life. All his teachings revolved around nourishing these connections at all costs.
Practicing Silence to Strengthen Our Connection with God
But what if I "can't get a signal" on my upward connection? From my experience, the connection with the father, or the voice within, is best nourished with periods of silence and contemplation. But this first step proved to be more difficult than I imagined. Carving time daily to be alone, quiet, and actively listening requires effort. At first, it seemed pointless, given all the external distractions, but soon, I learned to allow those to happen. But then the mental gymnastics began: actively listening became a wartime exercise of dodging the grenades launched by my anxiety. "Shouldn't you be doing something productive?" "I wonder what's for lunch." "Was that a cat I saw yesterday?” Again, I learned to allow those to happen and not fight or dodge them. I watch them arrive and drift away like clouds or the sound of my neighbor's car door closing that comes and just as quickly goes away.
Below these surface-level distractions, selective listening begins. More profound thoughts and ideas arise, and my job becomes selecting those that seem “right” and putting them in motion. Over time and with practice, the goal is to turn this internal messaging into an ongoing conversation, from texting to streaming - becoming one.
What about my "outward connection" to the people in my life and others I encounter? Let's save that till next time, but I will leave you with the following: Recently, I heard, “Notice the difference in the feeling within your body when you approach somebody based on what you can do for them versus what they can do for you. Feel the difference. Feel the vibration of generosity. Practice this with each encounter.”
“True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possession you can share.”
Key Takeaways:
Ingrained expectations can lead to brief moments of confusion, followed by joy or disappointment. Adjusting expectations can lead to contentment.
The Jews of Jesus’ time had a well-defined expectation of what the Messiah would be like, which led to confusion and disbelief when Jesus did not match their preconceived image. This disconnect mirrors how tightly held expectations can blind us to reality.
Jesus revealed his identity through his actions, and we do, too.
Jesus’ teachings focused on the importance of connection to God and others.
Developing an upward connection with God requires periods of silence and reflection, which can prove challenging but rewarding.
